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Chapter Eighteen
"The Miracle of Breath"
“Whine
less, breathe more.”
-- Swedish Proverb
As a small boy, when I would
be awakened by a nightmare, a scary noise, or some other event that would
bring on middle-of-the-night thoughts of the boogey-man, I would fearfully
leave my bed and sneak into my parents’ bedroom. I was not permitted
to crawl into their bed, so I would with great stealth crawl to my mother’s
side of the bed and then lie down on the floor.
I discovered that my fear would
vanish when I listened to my mother’s deep breathing. I can still
recall her long, slow, deep inhalation, followed by an ever so brief pause.
Then, her equally unhurried exhalation followed peacefully. I was almost
instantly put at ease. The fear would disappear. Peace and calm would
replace any emotional upset, and sleep would come to me there on the floor.
Many years later, I was taught
much more about the remarkably transformative qualities of the breath
by the Vietnamese Zen Master, Thich Nhat Hanh. He taught that with a few
simple breaths we can bring much peace and happiness into our lives. We
can simply turn our attention to our breathing, and as we breathe in we
say silently to ourselves, calming. Then, as we pay close attention
to our exhale we say, smiling, and bring a small smile to our
lips.
After following our breath
like that for no more than five minutes, we will discover that we feel
nourished. We feel peaceful and calm. Of course, if we are very agitated
and upset when we decide to calm ourselves with this marvelous practice,
then it may require that we breathe like that for somewhat longer.
One of the things that I so
love about this practice, in addition to its unbelievable simplicity,
is that it is completely portable. We can practice using our breath to
make ourselves calm anywhere, and no one will even know! It is like possessing
a powerful, secret potion. If we are in a very contentious meeting at
work, then without saying a word we can make ourselves peaceful, while
everyone around us is going crazy.
Calming. Smiling.
Calming. Smiling.
If we are in the middle of
a traffic jam, and we start to feel our frustration and anger rising,
then we have a solution.
Calming, Smiling.
Calming. Smiling.
My wife and I very rarely
quarrel any more, and when we do, it doesn’t last very long. We
both are determined to take responsibility for our actions, and one or
the other of us will usually put an end to the argument before it can
rage out of control. I attribute much of my own progress in this regard
to the fact that I have learned the three magical phrases. No, not the
three magic words, although uttering, “I love you” in the
midst of a round of bickering is an excellent idea as well.
The three magical phrases are:
“I’m sorry.” “I was wrong.” “It was
entirely my fault.” I have found that these phrases, strung together
just so, with a genuine level of sincerity, will put a halt to any dispute
we may have. Of course, before I could experience the wondrous power of
these three phrases, it was necessary to discover the beauty of “letting
go of being right”--- a discussion of which I will save for another
time.
As it plays out now, my wife
and I will start to bicker over some insignificant matter. (Aren’t
the vast majority of all disputes between couples rather inconsequential
in retrospect?) As soon as I remember to bring forth the magical phrases,
I utter them. My wife then smiles, says “thank you, dearest,”
the quarrel is over, and we peacefully and happily get on with our lives.
The last time my wife and I
had a really bad disagreement, it took me awhile before I had the presence
of mind to remember that I was in the possession of a wealth of magic.
Fortunately, before the quarrel escalated out of control, I remembered
to put my mind on my breathing.
Calming, Smiling.
Calming. Smiling.
After a few moments of following
my breath in this way, I was able to remember the three magical phrases.
I calmly looked at my wife and said, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.
It was entirely my fault.”
We both stopped in the middle
of the argument, and there was a pregnant pause. My wife, still a bit
miffed, said in an accusing voice, “You’ve been breathing
again!” This observation was followed by yet another pregnant pause
before we both realized how funny it was. We both began to laugh out loud.
It is exceedingly difficult for a fight to continue when both parties
are also involved in belly laughs.
In recent years, I have expanded
the manner in which I practice the miracle of breath. This slight change
has even further enhanced my capacity to be peaceful and happy in even
the most difficult situations. I share this modified version with you
so that you might go even more gently down the stream. As I breathe in,
I silently say to myself gently. As I breathe out, I say flowing.
Gently. Flowing.
Gently. Flowing.
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